Bon Iver: How to Turn the Midwest into a Musical Score

I haven’t written in awhile—life’s been crazy. In December I went home to Minnesota for two weeks, and then a week after getting back to Colorado, I took off to San Francisco for a networking event. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been so busy at work that it’s been rough trying to get around to finding the time to write.

But tonight I feel inspired. As most of you know, the Grammys just took place and while Adele was busy sweeping most of the categories with her amazing vocals, the category of best new artist went to the band Bon Iver. If you’ve never heard of them, you’re missing out. Their melodies can turn a grey sky into something otherworldly. The lyrics, art.

The lead singer Justin Vernon wrote the first album at his father’s cabin in the northern woods of Wisconsin, and it reflects in his work. He’s managed to recreate my childhood growing up in the Midwest into two amazingly beautiful albums entitled “For Emma, Forever Ago” and “Bon Iver.”

I’m not sure I know exactly how to describe it, but his music stirs so many different emotions and memories I have from my past. It awakens images in my head of a place I used to know so well. It echoes the endless bare cornfields that have been plowed over for winter. It resonates the swirling blue, grey, and purple tints of a chilly Minnesotan sky. Every time I play a track of theirs, I can’t help but feel a little sad and a little homesick.

Picture courtesy of Travis Novitsky Photography

Before I went back to Minnesota this Christmas, it had been an entire year since I’d been home. I’d forgotten some of the street names, how much I’ve missed old friends, and worst of all I’d forgotten just how beautiful those Midwestern winter landscapes can be.

Whenever I feel lost out here in Colorado, I always think back to that place I used to know so well. I remember sunsets over lake Aida at my grandparent’s cabin, the crackle of the campfire surrounded by woods, the rare chance to hear the loons cry out on a cool summer night. And Bon Iver manages to wrap it all up into chords and melodies.

How the hell do they do that?

My favorite track of theirs is “Holocene.” That track is like a soft memory of another lifetime I used to know; it makes me wish I could go back.

Listen to it. If you don’t love it, I’d have to come to the conclusion that you’re crazy, and you also probably really liked Nicki Minaj’s freak show exorcism of Roman, her inner man personality who likes to yell weird incoherent words in a deep voice. I mean really. Wtf?

The Most Disappointing Moment of 2011

2011 was a year of uncertainty. From the uprisings all over the Middle East and North Africa, to the devastation brought on by the tsunami in Japan, to the economic woes facing both the United States and Europe, things are changing rapidly whether we like it or not.

But my friends my post will be short and sweet, and I’m not here to address all of major issues we will be facing in 2012. No this post will have a quietly sad ring to it, but I hope it will make you think, like it did for me.

This is not a story that stems from the United States, but rather China, which is a culture markedly different from our own (but don’t you believe for one moment that our cultures are so contrasted that we don’t share values and can’t learn lessons from our Eastern counterparts).

China houses over 1 billion in population and as they continue to grow and develop, we can’t wisely ignore them. And we cannot wisely ignore what I’m about to show you. This video does not represent the whole of China (how could it? A country of over 1 billion people cannot be understood and measured by the actions of 20 people), but it is a lesson in human brutality, a sad lesson in human morals, and a lingering question about the value of human life that hangs heavy in the air.

To watch you’ll have to sign into your YouTube account because the content is graphic, but here’s the URL below:

I don’t really have much to say. Of course I have my own opinions, but I’d like you to form your own. All I will say is that the little girl ended up dying from her injuries, and that the driver of the first truck who ran her over had only this to say  to the media:

“If she is dead, I may pay only about 20,000 yuan ($3,125). But if she is injured, it may cost me hundreds of thousands yuan.”

She was 2 years old when she died in October of 2011.

Graduation. Round 2.

Once upon a time it was a warm sunny morning in May. The sky was the bluest of blues, and it was all so unbelievably beautiful. And perhaps I would’ve enjoyed it more if not for the fact that it also happened to be the day after Cinco de Mayo.

That day also happened to be the day of the May graduation ceremony. AKA MY graduation ceremony.

But friends, I did not graduate that day.

No. The only thing I managed to do that day was stumble out of bed in a state that would probably not please future employers.

I had no idea what was going on.

I only succeeded in putting eyeliner on one eye before I was being shoved out the door to my miserable destiny. I was in a haze and felt out of place as everything else seemed to be rushing around me. Was this really it? The day I’d been dreading for so long?

It was, but it wasn’t. I sat through the ceremony; right on the field where I’d watched my beloved Buffs (lose…but you know, whatever). Right where it’d all began. Right where I’d started a brand new life in a whole new state, in what seemed like a whole other world.

And as I sat there all I could think about was the first day I’d arrived in Boulder. How amazing everything was. How big the mountains seemed back then, and how the sun never seemed to stop shinning. It was a whole new place, and it wasn’t overcast like Minnesota. It wasn’t as cold. And it was exciting—the vibe was electric. I was so nervous, but at the same time, I was so excited to be somewhere else. To be somewhere new. This was all I’d ever dreamed of, and I was right here. Right where I was meant to be.

I could not have asked for more out of my 4 years of college. I loved every horrible, terrible, wonderful moment. Being here in Colorado completely on my own taught me so much. I learned a lot of things the hard way, but the most important thing I learned and the dearest thing I’ll ever take from this place, was the realization that I am not, nor ever have been, completely alone.

My friends became my family, and they’ve been there for me when my closest relatives where almost 1000 miles away. They were there for me when I did everything wrong. They were there even when I didn’t want them to be. Even when I really fucked up.

And so on that day in May, when everything started to change again, I didn’t know what to do. I was so happy, so comfortable in what I’d become. I was the happiest I’d ever been, and I didn’t really want it to change. But things change no matter how much you don’t want them to, and resisting only seems to make it worse.

I wasn’t ready for change back then. I just wanted everything to continue on the way it was. The way it’d been for the past 4 incredible years.

And so my friends I did not graduate.

No, seriously. I didn’t.

This is what I like to call my "almost" graduation ceremony.

If you read my blog and don’t know me, you might’ve just reread that last paragraph. I’m serious. I didn’t graduate. I graduate tomorrow. I didn’t attend any classes this fall, but I still had 3 unfulfilled internship credits that I needed to complete first before I could finally get my diploma. I managed to finish in October, but apparently you can’t graduate in the middle of October, so I’ve waited all this time. And I’m doing it. I’m finally graduating.

And this time, I’m ready.

I loved Colorado, and I loved CU. Loved.

But you can’t live in the past, and I still have no idea in the whole wide world what I’m doing or exactly where I’m headed, but it’s time to move forward. This time when I turn my tassel from right to left, I’ll know that everything’s going to be okay. Everything that CU taught me isn’t going to vanish when I leave this place. It hasn’t always been an easy road, but here I am, failure after failure, my diploma proving that somehow I still managed to succeed. And underneath my sadness for all I’m going to leave behind, I’m so happy. So unbelievably happy. And I know that to keep myself happy I have to let this go, be thankful for what it was, and move on. I’ll never forget all the wonderful people I met here, and even as people I come to love slowly filter in and out of my life, I’ll always be grateful that they were there.

And so too I have decided that I will live out my lease here in Colorado, and then I’ll move on. I love Colorado. I want to come back someday, but right now, it’s not the right place for me to be in order to move forward. I’ve got to find that new exciting feeling I always seem to be chasing. And I know that I can, because no matter where I go, I’ll know that somewhere I have some wild, crazy, amazing friends that’ll be there if I need them.

;)

So thank you CU. You taught me more than I could’ve ever dreamed, and everything you’ve done for me, I know in some way, shape, or form, will land me right where I want to be.

 

Everything is Bigger in Texas. Including the D!ckheads.

Before I say a word please watch the following commercial:

I mean seriously, where do I begin?

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian, but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.”

Translation:

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a douche, but you don’t need to read a 2000 year old book to know that there’s something wrong with this country when a douche like me has wasted 30 seconds of a countless number of precious lives with my bullshit. Also, f*ck your mom.”

I mean…WHAT?

“Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again.”

Have a little faith in me when I say, I DO NOT LIKE LITTLE BOYS...I mean uh...what I'm saying is...uh...GOD HATES GAYS! Yeah. That's what he said; he just told me last night.

Actually you know what can probably make America strong again is not letting idiots into the oval office. And not appointing the same bullshit greedy CEOs of Goldman Sachs into U.S. treasury positions. And not starting bullshit wars with 3^rd world countries that send us spiraling into debt. And not preaching messages of hate and intolerance that echo bullshit that spewed from the mouths of people 60 years ago.

Maybe we could be strong if we started thinking about and acting on what matters instead of doing the exact opposite. Maybe instead of sending our youth off to shoot at Iraqis, we should focus on healthcare since we’re still the ONLY 1^st world country without universal healthcare. Maybe instead of hating on gays, we should focus on the overcrowding of our prison systems. Maybe instead of searching for more oil deposits, we should start focusing on ways to wean ourselves off oil. Especially foreign oil.

Maybe we live in a fairy world full of unicorns and rainbows.

Yeah it may never be reality, but it’s only because we have all the Governor Perrys of society dragging us down. So thank you Rick Perry and friends for making our world a little more sh!tty.

The Sh!t People Say on Twitter

So as you all may or may not know, I’m in charge of two of my clients’ Twitter accounts, which also means I spend a considerable time on Twitter. After a few months of diving into the world of Twitterland I’m come across my fair share of Twitter gems and Twitter fails. Seriously some of this stuff I can’t make up, so I’ve put together a little list of the stuff on Twitter that either A. entertains me, B. distracts me like no other, or C. makes me spit out my coffee.

We’ll start with A.

A. Sh!t that entertains me:

^Nice.

I would also like to mention that the Duggar family from 19 Kids and Counting seems to be a hot topic of conversation this week, and nothing amuses me more than getting to hear the uncensored opinions of other tweeps about this controversial family.

(Before you read this, I just have to remind you all that this family doesn’t believe in birth control, and the father’s name is Jim Bob…let that sink in for a moment.)

Let the tweeting begin:

Ahhh…an entertaining and refreshing  reminder that I’m not the only one who questions the morality of Mr. and Mrs. Duggars’ choice to pop out a small army of children.

And now on to the next category:

B. Sh!t that distracts me like no other.

This first tweet I’d like you to concentrate on the Tweeter, not the tweeted:

WTF? The Dalai Lama has a Twitter account? Also, sad fact: he has 11,596,116 less followers than the Beibs.

For this next tweet please think long and hard about what is being said here…is it just me or were you about to agree with her until she made her point?

You know what annoys me about people renting wheelchairs in the park is that they’re too lazy to just walk around like normal people, not the fact that “they have no idea that ‘full time chair users have certain etiquette.’” (I mean really, WTF?)

And last but not least, this may not be a tweet itself, but it instantly pulled my attention away from tweeting:

^This is an actual account. I would just like to point out here that if an employer saw that you were following this account…well…wouldn’t that ruin the point of following the account?

And finally guys:

C. Sh!t that makes me spit out my coffee.

What was trending earlier today on Twitter?

Can they do that? That’s so blatantly racist…I seriously can’t believe some of the things that trend on Twitter. Here’s the recap:

^Um…amen to that last one.

I have to say that things never get old in Twitterland, and where all this came from there’s plenty more. I’ll keep you posted.

It’s Monday. I Actually Found Something That Made Me Smile Today.

If you know of Phoenix, then you probably know they’re a French band that composes their lyrics in English. Kind of interesting (what kind of French person wants to ADMIT that they speak English?). They’re known for their hits “1901″ and “Listomania,” but one of my favorite songs of theirs is “Countdown.” The lyrics really resonate with me as a post college grad–although I’m not sure if really they’re meant to resonate with someone a little bit older. Whatever. I’m old now anyway.

It’s a song with a hint of reminiscence and nostalgia. Who knew a bunch of French guys could hit so close to home?

Or for a live performance:

(If you want the lyrics you can find them here. Scroll down to the comment section though because the true lyrics are listed there.)

I love this song, but what really made me smile today was the top comment underneath the YouTube video:

 

If that doesn’t make you smile then you’re also probably the kind of person who pepper sprays other shoppers on Black Friday.

Just saying.

Graduating College—Why it’s Like Eating Yellow Snow.

Once upon a time I was 4 years old, and everything was awesome. I mean like freaking AWESOME. I didn’t even notice when it was -15 degrees outside because the snow was so sparkly and fun and full of possibility. I could make igloos, and snowmen, and I could even chuck huge balls of it at my brother. And then blame it on my sister so he’d start chucking snowballs at her, and then she’d get mad and chuck some back at him, all the while I was in the background laughing evilly and enjoying the show.

^Screw the The Little Mermaid, watching people get pegged in the face is way more fun.

I loved the snow.

Note the past tense. One day I got old. I turned 5. It was the first snowfall, and I was so excited to get out and roll around in my beloved snow. It was equitable to rolling around in a gigantic pile of money for adults. And when I got out there, I discovered THE BEST THING EVER! It was like it had been sent to me by the heavens…I screamed out in joy!

It was yellow and it was all mine! I couldn’t believe it! Banana-flavored snow! I could barely run fast enough to get my hands on it. I grabbed a huge chunk, closed my eyes and took an enormous bite.

Friends, another lesson learned the hard way.

FML.

WTF was this??? This was NOT banana-flavored snow. I put the rest of it down, turned around, and ran back inside.

“Mommy! Mommy! I just eated yellow snow!”

My mother’s face…words cannot describe.

BLESS MY STARSSSSS YOUDIDWHAT???????

“Ohh…..OH ICK! OHHHHHH ICK! YOU JUST ATE DOG PEE!”

F*ck you yellow snow. F*ck you for looking so delicious and banana flavored when you’re actually dog piss.

And now you may be wondering, why in the name of all that is embarrassing would Mirms tell me this?

Because friends it’s a metaphor for post college. You think everything’s going to be great, you’re going to get that amazing job, you have an endless sea of possibility in front of you, the future is brighter than the freaking sun, and the here and now is great, you’re enjoying life…you’re in COLLEGE…everything is f*cking awesome, and then BAM!

Your diploma.

IT’S DOG PISS. ALL OF IT. Everything that comes with it, like bills, the sh!tty economy, and the idiots in Washington you should probably start caring about lest they send us even farther into debt and then tax us into oblivion.

Welcome to reality kids, if it was everything you dreamt it’d be, then it wouldn’t be reality.

The Night I Picked a Fight with the Italians

I have blonde hair. Yep. It’s blonde. I’ve been blonde all my life, and while I get it highlighted, it’s still naturally a dirty blonde. But it’s blonde none-the-less.

^Yep. Blonde.

You’re probably asking me, “Why should I give a f&^%?”

Well my friends, I tell you this because though my hair may be blonde, my name doesn’t also happen to be “Blonde” or “Blondie.” It’s freaking Mirms. Or Miranda. If you don’t know my name but want my attention, why don’t you just ask me? It’s like the first thing you learn in preschool. In fact, it’s pretty much the first thing you learn EVER besides how to say “mama” and “dada.”

But some people don’t understand this concept even when they’re 35. And so friends, while I was abroad in Germany I had many drunks in the streets addressing me as “Blonde.” And I ignored every single intelligent, charming, gentleman who called me such, because I mean come on. When has that ever worked for you? Slash if it has worked for you, what kind of idiots have you been picking up off the street?

What a catch.

I don’t answer to “Blonde,” so if I blatantly ignore you, it’s your fault for having no tact. But finally, one night after being out at Oktoberfest, I was walking home with my friend after a stein or two when a group of Italian men decided to piss me off.

“Hey! Hey you! Blondie. Come here!” *giggles* “Hey Blonde! I am talking to you! Come over here.” *More f&^ing giggles*

“Blonde!”

And when I ignored that I heard him turn to his friends and say a few things in Italian. I managed to catch the last bit where he said, “Farla venire qui.” Which translates to “Make her come over here.”

Make her come over here? Boys you don’t WANT me to come over there because I’ll give each of you a reason to be sorry. REAL sorry.

Don't make me go East Coast on your ass.

“F*CK OFF!” Is what I politely responded with. In English. My Italian is a little rusty. Plus I don’t think we ever learned how to drop the F bomb in Italian class.

I don’t know why I thought they actually would. Idiots. But as my friend and I continued walking we suddenly started to hear shuffling feet behind us. F*&^ing tit monkey. Guess I’m not so tough now.

My friend and I cut across the street to avoid the trio of baboons. All the meanwhile dumb, dumber, and dumbest were muttering in Italian as they sloppily scuffled their feet like a pack of drunk donkeys. The idiots obviously didn’t know I’d taken a class or too of Italian, so when they said, “Andiamo le seguono,” I knew EXACTLY what they were saying. In English it translates to “Let’s follow them.” And that’s exactly what they did, as they cut across the street right after us.

^This is more or less what they looked like.

I was really f*cking furious, but at the same time, (and I really hate admitting this) I was a little scared. My first instinct was to start walking faster, but when I did so, my friend pulled my hand.

“No don’t.”

WTF? Why not? I wanted to get the f*&^ away from these clowns. “They just said they’re following us!”

“Walking fast is what they want. They’ll follow us home. Slow down.”

Slow down? Slow down?? I just picked a fight with a pack of Italians; I think RUN might be the better answer. But I slowed down none-the-less hoping my big mouth didn’t just get us into big trouble.

And it was like magic. We slowed WAYYYY-the-f*&^ down, and after a bit of awkwardness, the pack of goons passed us. As we got behind them, suddenly they were the ones looking over their shoulders. It was pretty obvious they were uncomfortable. After a minute one of them said, “Ladies, go ahead,” and motioned for us to walk in front of them.

Um, did he think we were completely mentally inept? I mean seriously, yeah I’m f&^%ing blonde, but contrary to popular belief, my blonde hair doesn’t make me a COMPLETE idiot.

There are idiots of every hair color.

“NO YOU GO,” Is all my friend said to him.

“We were just having some fun.”

Fun trying to intimidate us? WELL F*CK YOU EVERY MUCH SIR.

What I said out loud was, “WELL GO HAVE FUN BY YOURSELVES! ASSHOLES!” I really can’t hold my tongue. But it worked. We could tell they were rather uneasy, and they jetted away pretty quick.

At the time I was baffled at how that managed to work. I thought when we slowed down that they would’ve just done the same, but they kept going. I was relieved, but I was also curious at how my friend knew to do this. She’s well traveled, something that I’m not quite yet, but I was interested in her decision and how she knew what to do.

What’s the lesson I learned from her? No matter where you are, abroad or even here in the United States, don’t look like a victim (as she was explaining this to me, I also remembered my Violence Against Women professor saying the same thing during one of her classes). Don’t walk fast, don’t walk with your head down—don’t send any kind of non-verbal signal that might suggest to someone else that you’re vulnerable.

My friend knew that, and that’s the reason she made me slow down. Walking fast sends the signal that you’re nervous. It’s textbook; I feel like an idiot for even doing it, but it was my first instinct.  And because we slowed down and let them walk in front of us, we became the ones in the position of power (when someone is hovering behind you, it sends a nonverbal message of intimidation). We ended up turning the tables on these guys, and they didn’t like it. And as soon as we showed them we weren’t ready to be messed with, they left us alone.

I don't give a shit if you think you're king of the jungle. F*ck off means f*ck off.

And guys there are tons of amazing people abroad that aren’t going to pick on you, but for the ones that do, try to keep a clear head and assess the situation. Even if you’re scared, don’t appear so, because that sends a cue to the jackass that YOU think you’re an easy target. And this goes for both men and women, because guys, hate to break it to you, but Americans come off as easy targets. (Most people just think we’re a bunch of overweight morons who don’t know anything about travel and are easy to take advantage of—and let’s be real, some of us are. But that’s why I’m telling you—because I was being something less than really intelligent that night.)

It's so weird that the entire world thinks we're a country full of idiots.

And last but not least, if you’re like me and can’t keep your mouth shut in certain situations, try to plan out a way home that follows main streets as much as possible. That way you can more safely talk all the sh!t you want. (Okay, okay just kidding kids, just have fun and be safe out there okay?)

PS-Mirms 1. Italians 0. Just saying.

Thankful.

So yes Thanksgiving was yesterday, but I was too busy stuffing my face to bother writing another post. So today it is.

Guys I have to tell you, I’m really f&^%ing grateful. Seriously. I mean I feel like I’ve lived a very charmed life. I’ve gotten to travel, I’ve gotten to meet so many ridiculously awesome people, and I have parents who have worked their a$$ off for 30 years to allow me to do everything I’ve done. I’m really f&^%ing lucky.

But I have to tell you something. WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH, because “WTF?” might be your first thought when I tell you. I promise I have a point.

Guys I woke up yesterday in a weird mood. Maybe it was because I was still drunk from the night before or maybe it was because I ate cheese before going to bed (IT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARES I SWEAR!). Who knows? But the truth is, I woke up feeling…well to put it frankly, a little ungrateful.

GASP!

WHAT? YOU EVIL MIDDLE-UPPER CLASS WHITE B!TCH! HOW DARE YOU?

Like OMG even though the stars are blind they like also must be deaf cuz they totally cant hear how awesome my album is which means I guess daddy will just have to buy me that pair of Jimmy Choos I've totally been wanting for like 3 hoursss.

Yes, yes I know. It’s not that I don’t have a million things to be grateful for. I’ve had the most ridiculous life so far, and it’s all been pretty freaking amazing. But guys, this has been a feeling I’ve had for a little while, and it’s not because I don’t have anything to be grateful for. I have SO MANY things. Literally I couldn’t list them all before you’d say, “ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT I GET IT ALREADY! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE RAYS OF SUNSHINE BURST OUT OF YOUR A$$.”

But here I am. In beautiful, sunny Colorado where there’s nothing to complain about except for the horrendous drivers that don’t understand the concept of Speed Limit and that it’s a widely known and accepted fact that you go 5mph over NOT 10mph UNDER! I’VE GOT PLACES TO BE PEOPLE! COME ON!

For those of you who see a sign like this and still go 70, Ludacris wrote a song JUST for YOU! It's called "Move B!tch."

Ahem.

Yes, and while yesterday I was surrounded by my roommate’s super friendly, welcoming family who treated me so kindly, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad. I have so many things to be grateful for, so why am I kind of unhappy right now?

And while I pondered that most of the day, I was on Twitter, just scrolling through when I stumbled upon this tweet:

Oh. That’s why I f*&^ing hate my life right now. No seriously. This makes sense.

I don’t feel like I have any purpose right now, and I don’t have anywhere to go. And without a purpose or a cause, all I do is think about how great of a time I HAD and not what I HAVE to look forward to. Because right now, the future just seems to be full of endless rush hours, 7am wake up calls, and pretending to be nice to idiot costumers (“The customer is always right!” is a bigger lie than Santa Claus.).

This is what Prozac is for.

In fact right now the future looks kind of daunting. It’s like ever since graduation, my weeks have just been on repeat, the same thing over and over and over. And it’s all so unfulfilling and gloomy. Is rush hour traffic, days upon days of endless work, and 3 weeks vacation a year really all there is from now on?

That’s so…sad. And boring. And not fun. And not the way I want to live my life. I like to think that my life has never really been that dull, and I don’t want it to be dull.

I want to dance, I want to party, I want to meet new people, I want to travel more, I want to push my limits, and I want to be able to look FORWARD to the rest of my life. I don’t want to be constantly looking back, being reminded of all the good times I had that are now in the past. I want to appreciate it yes, but I want to move forward. And I can’t do that stuck here on repeat.

Hi my name is Selena Gomez, is your life stuck on re-p-p-p-peat? Oh really? So's mine but it's like a love song and it's like with the Biebs. Hahaha...oh sorry forgot your life totally blows.

So guys, yesterday I had yet another insightful epiphany. I can’t stay here.

F*&^ I can’t believe I’m saying that. But I can’t. I think this round-the-world trip is necessary. I don’t want to go back to grad school unless I know exactly what I want to do, and I can’t move forward in my career until I take a step back and think about what’s important to me.

I went through college, not really EVER thinking about the future (who wants to think about the long term future when it’s Wednesday which means thirsty Thursday is tomorrow?). Now that it’s been shoved in my face, it’s time to make some decisions and start making moves. So that’s what I’m going to do. I REALLY don’t want to move home, because I love what I’ve built for myself here in Colorado. But if I want to take this trip, I have to. So it’s back to Minnesota. F*&^. I f*&^ing HATE the cold.

I don't know wtf this thing is, but it's frozen. Like my ass will be.

But guys, I really have too many things to be thankful for to feel like this. So I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself, and f*&^ing do something. Because you’re all too awesome for me to be pouting. Heck I’m too awesome for me to be pouting, let’s be real here. The thought of going home and living with my parents REALLY freaks me out, but I think it will be worth it in the end when I’m sending them postcards from China.

Either way, I’ll find out.

Kohl’s…YOU IDIOTS!!!

…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:

Why god? WHY?

What kind of IDIOT marketing person came up with this? I’m f*&^ing 22 with barely any real-world marketing experience, and I know this is sh!ttastic. You know where I’m not going to go on Black Friday? KOHL’S. Because someone is bound to burn at least one Kohl’s down thanks to this SH!TTY rendition of Rebecca Black’s EPIC FAIL of a music video, and I don’t want to be the lucky person who ends up at the Kohl’s that gets eaten by flames.

Calm down? CALM DOWN? I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I spent hours upon hours learning about effective advertising, and this is EXACTLY what we were taught NOT to do. Plus even worse, that video is OLD as your f*&^ing grandma news. Oh heavens. And I struggled to find work in this field? Shoot me. A WASTE OF A DEGREE I TELL YOU! WASTE.

…Ahem. I’ll be getting back to work now.